My obsession with being skinny is outrageous. Not only have I smoked meth on and off for quite a while, but I’ve also tried some lawful diet supplements, including Ozempic, phentermine, sibutramine, etc.
The best among them is Ozempic. Not only does it not have side effects like other medications—such as the not being able to sleep, heart pounding until it hurts without sprint, or sudden anxiety, cold sweats, and shaking hands—but it’s also convenient to prick your lower belly or meaty part of your thighs with an invisible needle only once a week. Sometimes, taking meds three times a day felt overwhelming to suppress my own hunger. It’s like filling my stomach with all those unidentified pills. Occasionally, there’s a pill that interferes with fat absorption, causing me to shit fatty poo. Most of the time, I felt terrible and in a bad mood because, similar to moments of excitement, stimulation, or excessive stress suppressing hunger, diet pills do the same to your brain. I was always agitated, paranoid, sensitive… you name it.
Ozempic works differently; it’s related to the pancreas, not the central nervous system, so you won’t go crazy like with other weight loss pills or meth. I think meth makes you go nuts not from being anorexic, though. But then, we need to consider why I’m so obsessed with being chopsticks skinny. I can’t even go under 50 kg. You can’t take diet pills longer than three months to avoid any risks that can be caused by meds, but I took them for up to six months straight, not because I kept losing weight, but just to maintain it. Only a 3 kg difference whether I took them or not, but with all those risks: heart failure, strokes, high blood pressure, spasm, some brain damage, I still took them. I know, crazy.
Maybe it’s because I’m so very much Korean. The way I was introduced to this ‘lazy drug’ (because you don’t work hard but want the best outcome possible) was through all those Korean girls at work. Not just me, but every other girl too. The other day, one of them was pissing in the outdoor parking at work. She didn’t remember it after all, and everyone thought she was too drunk, but I believe that was a phentermine and alcohol cocktail. Or maybe it’s because I think the reason I couldn’t even hold a boy’s hand until I was 18 was because I was fat. I lost my baby fat fairly after I graduated high school, and I felt like people treated me significantly differently. For example, guys started hitting on me, etc., and around that time, I moved to Australia where the beauty standard is lower, and body shaming is not as serious as in Korea. Maybe I was always unconsciously compared to my mom and was jealous my entire life. Maybe I just like the ballerina look. You know, the last year in Korea, the ballet-core look was really a big thing, and I liked it since I was born, always before the trend.
At some point, weight loss meds didn’t even work on me. They didn’t stop me from feeling hungry, so I ate, and I maintained my weight of around 53 kg. If you think about how big a kilogram of beef ribs is, 3 kg is a lot more than you think, considering its look and feel. I feel heavy all the time. So i quit until I found ozempic, and ozempic worked great1 on me until Elon mentioned it and many other influencers and social media gave spotlight to Ozempic, and then, I couldn’t even get it, even though I still had two months of prescription left. I went to four pharmacies in Balmain, and they didn’t have it, and there was nothing in the two phamas in Macquarie Park either. I gave up since then. I think it’s not only in Australia, Ozempic is short globally.
Luckily, I have a partner now who says I need to put on weight, but I still feel like I’m a fat fuck. I did gym, yoga, and pilates at the same time back then only because the personal trainer promised me a profile photoshoot, which usually costs $$$, but I didn’t like the healthy look. It’s actually gross to have muscles on a female’s body. I’d rather look sick and unnurtured.
- I lost 3 kgs in a month and I gained all back in 6 months lol ↩︎
